"And I don't just mean the last few movies or the swerve in the second, the whole idea reeks of stupid from the get-go. What were people ON in the 80s? How did this get POPULAR?" I shouted over the crackle of energy.
"I know not of what you speak, but I must tell you that if you are immortal than the Game-"
"SCREW your Game, I've no part in it! Do you have any idea the empire you could have built, the legacy you could have wrought, the technology you could have invented if you lot weren't all obsessed with your precious little +1s to STR, DEX and AGI" I yelled, pulling a lever. "Fran! Do the thing!"
"Doing the thing!" said Fran, cheerfully doing the thing.
"Sera! Do the other thing!" I called over the sound of bubbling beakers that are a necessity in all 80s science labs.
"Doing the other thing, Anon!" said Sera, flexing so hard she shattered her puny labcoat.
"Wait. Then you're not an immortal?" asked Connor.
"No shit, Sherlock" I hissed.
"But I have known you for centuries"
"I eat my veggies" I said
"You live for milennia by eating your veggies" he said flatly.
"I also brush my teeth and say my prayers every night" I added with a look of pure contempt for the man thinking he deserved /actual explainations/ when nobody could tell me what the Source even was.
And then the gigantic lab-mounted ray went off, covering the entire world in a pale green energy shockwave and knocking Scotsman McAccent off his feet.
"You're all immortal plant people now" I said flatly. "You're welcome. Oh and I used my special, flex-based variant instead of my asshole neighbours so you don't need a sippy cup to gain SUPER divine immortality, you just need to work out"
He opened his mouth. He shut it. "...but, what about having children?"
"You can do that, yes"
I chased Sean Connery MacLeod from my lair, haranguing him about how much Highlanders could accomplish if they stopped being dramatic little pissbabies and spent milennnia at a time on science projects.